Be still, my bisexual heart - everyone in Final Fantasy VII Remake is hot. No, no, not you Corneo. Kick rocks.
Let's keep our focus on the main cast, though. It'd be easy for me to write on the wry beauty of Marle, the flirtatious zest of Jessie, or the soothing mommy vibes of Elmyra. Not to mention Wedge, the lovable and cute cat lover. There are just too many characters to get all hot and bothered over in Final Fantasy VII Remake, so we'll keep it limited to the main cast.
But so much ink has spilled already. We've all been thirsty for Cloud's angelic face a🤪nd alarming beauty in a dress. We've gotten in countless fights over Tifa versus Aerith, when they're two different types that you just can't compare... because Aerith is clearly the superior choice. I digress. I'm not seeing enough people giving Barret love, and frankly, that's a crime.
It's hard to pin down why Barret's so hot, because let's be real: there are too many reasons. For me, it staღrts at the eyes. His piercing, passionate stare that he achieves with his striking ꧅blue eyes. The sheer conviction that oozes from every line he speaks, and the candid nature he exhibits with his closest friends and family. How he treats Marlene, and does his best to raise her in spite of the world burning all around him. Everything about this man embodies positive masculinity in the truest sense of the term.
Which is to say nothing of his looks♔. Barret takes care of himself, to say the very least - the tall, statuesque man is rippling with muscle. But he doesn't feel like a cartoonish Gary Stu in the slightest. Instead, he looks like a man who's spent years training for a fight that's bigger than just him. He's chiseled his body into an impenetrable fortress to protect the ones he loves and wants to defend. Is there anything hotter than that? I think not.
And look - I get it. Maybe you're not into dudes. That's fine. I'll be honest, I'm mostly not either. But something about Barret makes me see the validity and bea🧔uty in true, healthy productive masculinity. There's something so undeniably attractive about that, to me.
Anywayꦫ, you can get back to your fighting about Tifa and Aerith now. I'll be sitting over here with my true patrician's take.
