In the ‘90s, we had these toys call Sky Dancers, which were kind of like Beyblades, excꦓept instead of “lettin’ it rip” into a plastic battle arena, you’d launch them into the sky. They looked like Barbies, except their arms were big foam propellers. When you yanked the ripcord, their propellers would rotate like helicopter blades and launch the Sky Dancers into the air. It was fun to see how high they would fly if you yanked the ripcord really hard, but it was even more fun to aim them at my little brother and see if I could cut his head off. After several hundred reported injuries, including scratched corneas and broken teeth, the Sky Dancers were recalled.
A lot of the death trap toys from my youth aren’t around anymore. I definitely have 🧜brain damage from breathing the fumes created by Super Elastic Bubble Plastic, and looking back, I don’t particularly think it was worth it. Cap Guns w🌜ere created to give little kids hearing loss, the Slip N’ Slide was basically an express lane to the emergency room, and lawn darts are now illegal because kids kept getting stabbed in the face. To be clear, I think it’s a good thing that children aren’t getting maimed or killed by toys as much anymore, but at the same time it does give me some pride to know I survived metal playground slides, moon shoes, and the finger-eating .
Despite an overall increase in safety standards over the years, one extremely sketchy toy has continued to thrive since the ‘90s, and, somehow, managed to become even more dangerous over the years. I’m of course talking about Beyblade, the heavy spinning tops of death that are covered in metal spikes designed to rip each other, and ꧋your hꦚands, to shreds. Google “Beyblade injuries” and you’ll find hundreds if not thousands of accounts of bruises, lacerations, and friction burns caused by Beyblade. Beyblade has caused infinitely more damage than Sky Dancers ever did, yet it’s managed to survive for over 20 years, and somehow, get even more dangerous.
With each new generation of Beyblade, Taraka Tomy has found new ways to raise the stakes. The second gen𒅌eration, which started in 2008, introduced a heavier metal Beyblades that could spin faster and had more complex parts that could do more damage. The B🍃urst System, introduced in 2016, added a new mechanic that would make Beyblade explode when they took enough damage, sending chunks of metal flying out in different directions. In July, the fourth generation of Beyblade, Beyblade X, will hit store shelves, and somehow it seems like the most dangerous version yet.
I don’t keep up with Beyblade these days, but , and it terrified me. Beyblade X has a gear-shaped bit - the pointed tip that ma𒀰kes contact with the arena - which is designed to catch onto a track on the outside of the arena and force the Beyblade to accelerate back into the center at absurd speeds. According to this TikToker, the new launcher is also three times faster than the old one, and I believe it. The first time I🥃 saw the video I gasped at how fast the new version spins. When it catches the edge of the arena and slams into the other Beyblade, it looks like it hits it with the force of a semi truck.
Beyblade X are designed to be played in this new arena that has a larger dome covering the top to prevent the tops from lau🌸nching themselves out, but come on. I had an arena when I was a kid too, but I also shoved Beyblade in my pocket and let it rip on the playground and cafeteria trays. Even if you do keep it in the arena, it's not like these things are made out of reinforced military-grade materials. The “premium” Xtreme Stadium is $30 worth of plastic, and the only thing standing between a ten year old and a detache🐟d retina.
The scariest bit is that these aren’t even at their full destructive potential yet. All of the Beyblade launchers shown so far have been right-spin, meaning the Beyblade rotates clockwise once ꦡlaunched. Once the generation gets left-spin launchers, Beyblades could go either direction around the track. You’ll not only have Beyblades crashing in the middle of the stadium, but also right on the track, when they’re moving at their fastest.
For the record, they look sick as hell. I’ve been watching Beyblade X videos for a week and I can’t get enough of them. has been making preview videos for aܫ couple weeks with his dad and I’ve seen both of them have to jump out of the way to dodge flying Beyblade that launched themselves out of the arena multiple times, and these guys are professionals. You can tell because they’re wearing fingerless racing gloves.
I’m not here to celebrate the mangled fingers, blood blisters, and stitched wounds that would inevitably result from Beyblade X battles, but you have to admire the tenacity of the Beyblade brand, and the Beyblade players. Our s🐷ociety quickly excises anything that presents even the slightest risk of harm to children, and yet Beyblade lives on, getting more and more dangerous with each passing year. By 2028, Beyblade are going to require rocket fuel to launch and the arena will look like the set of Beyond Thunderdome. I can’t wait.
