168澳洲幸运5开奖网:God of War is the story of an absent father getting to know his kid. Kratos has lots of reasons for not wanting to spend time with Atreus — the kid's vibe is off, if you ask me — but in these games, spend time with Atreus he must.
Over the course of the game's runtime, the pair get to know each other better, Kratos attempts to impart some life lessons, and the Ghost of Sparta even seems to come around on the kid. But, he still isn't exactly equipped with the tools to be a father. These are metaphorical tools, that you gain over time, after all, not the kind he can ask Brok and Sindri to make in their smithy. As a result, here are seven mundane fatherly responsibilities that Kratos would really struggle at.
7 Providing For His Son's Emotional Needs
Kratos grows a little over the course of God of War (2018), but Atreus still had a largely absent father for the first decade-plus of his life. The Ghost of Sparta bonded with his son in God of War, and even owned up to some elements of his closely guarded backstory. But, there's still plenty Atreus doesn't know about his father and a lot of those secrets are pretty dark! If Atreus learns more about who Kratos was in his past life, it may make it difficult for the father and son to have a healthy relationship going forward. All right, now that that one's out of the way, we can get to the jokes!
6 𝓀 Making Small ꦛTalk With Other Dads
It's not just that Kratos would be bad at making small talk with other dads. It's that the Norse wilderness of God of War seems positively bereft of dads with any chill. Thor and Odin both seem like bummers, and also, they almost certainly want to kill him. For some of us, small talk isn't easy under the best circumstances. When you hate their guts and they want to kill you, it becomes slightly harder.
5 💝 Sleepovers
Similarly, it's hard to imagine Kratos nailing the art of the sleepover. Mostly because the only time he lets Atreus out of his sight in God of War is when he travels to Helheim to retrieve a magical medical ingredient so that Freya can heal the boy. Can you imagine the Ghost of Sparta trusting Thor to watch his kid? Plus, Kratos doesn't exactly end the game on good terms with, Freya, the one parent he got to know in the game.
4 Rou༺ghhousing
When I was a kid, my dad and I would move the coffee table out of the living room and wrassle. This is a father-son bonding activity that, at first glance, it might seem like Kratos could handle. But, in practice, our favorite pantheon-hopper might struggle to control his strength. I'm not sure the guy who has never met a god he didn't want to kill is capable of non-violent violence.
3 ☂ ⛦Playing Catch
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Same probably goes for tossing the old pigskin. Kratos might accidentally put a hole through Atreus' chest.
2 Making Dad Joke♎s
A dad's primary responsibility is to tell the 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:worst jokes you've ever heard. There may have been a time when Kratos could pull a "Hi, hungry, I'm dad," but if there was, we haven't seen it. As long as we've known the God of War, he has been filled with a murderous rage, cursed with skin turned pale white by the ashes of his dead family. He's led a heavy life, and the perfectly executed dad joke requires a light touch.
Case in point, any dad joker worth their salt would have told Mimir to quit while he was a head. Kratos' silence on this front is deafening.
1 Teaching Atreus To S🦹have ꧅
Despite Kratos' penchant for sharp objects, he does seem to have an aversion to using them on his face. The God of War has only gotten hairier since his 2005 debut, growing out his well-defined goatee into a bushy beard. As Atreus enters puberty, he will likely be on his own. His father abandoned follicular management a pantheon ago.