I Hate Blue Prince For What It’s Done To Me

Ring, ring, ring! 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Blue Prince! Blue Prince! Anyone got a Blue Prince? I’d never heard of this stupid game before, what, a month ago? But now, oh boy. Suddenly, everybody’s all over it like white on rice. It’s the next coming of the messiah. Out of nowhere, 168澳洲🐲幸ꦍ运5开奖网:it’s now the highest rated game of the year. I’m supposed to believe it’s that good?

Because I don’t remember seeing an endless run of increasingly expensive trailers. And I definitely don’t remember a movie star telling me how good it was going to be while reading the wrong words off a prompter at a video game awards show. All I knew was that I was supposed to take this game on trust so - screw it - I did. And you k♈now what? I hate Blue Prince. I hate it so much for what it’s done to me.

Blue Prince Review - Rog🔥uelike Puzzle Heaven

If you're a fan of Lorelei and the Laser Eyes or Animal ♍We🌳ll, Blue Prince will enthrall and frustrate you in equal measure.

Posts 168澳洲幸运5开奖网: ༺

Blue Prince Hides Its Clever Premise

I hate that Blue Prince has made me take my time. Oh, I’m sorry! I thought I was supposed to be building a path in a house to a victory room by placing little cute tiles. A hallway here, a kitchen there, and eventually I’d reach the big lucky room at the top and win the game!ꦡ But apparently, the initial pitch of your weird uncle telling ꧃you that you inherit his mansion if you can reach some crappy 46th room is a smokescreen.

Nope! We can’t just have a nice little deck builder where I lay out rooms until I get a small dose of dopamine. I have to be careful. I have to look at the big picture and try to count how likely I am to draft a lavatory and hit another dead toilet. I have to pull back and attempt t🦩o use earlier doors to avoid wasting keys before I’ve got enough supplies.

I have to plan and, worse, think, and worst of all, remember what I was thinki𝄹ng earlier. I hate that what could have been a simple drafting board game is infinitely deeper than I was told up front.

Blue Prince Is So Smart It Makes Me Feel Stupid

Speaking of which, I hate that this game makes me examine every room for clues like I’m a detective looking at the dead body of my son. Rather than just being able to lay down a tile and waltz through while appreciating the scenery, I have to walk around. I have to look between beds and on tables. And no! It couldn’t be just one lookꦑ one time, could it? The rooms have to change each run through the mansion. Great. Sometimes a room has a ma☂gnifying glass! Sometimes it doesn’t!

Looks like every time I have to play this idiot game, I have to pay as close attention as possible to the clever way things can be hidden in plain sight while not letting myself miss anything by getting complacent. But I love complacency! I hate picking up a written note for the fifth time and only then noticing a scribble in the corner and using my magnifying glass to reveal a massive clue. And♍ I hate that it’s a perfectly fair way to give a hint without just making me solve everything through trial and error.

Oh, and I hate that I have to take notes like I’m expected to do the mental heavy lifting here. I hate that there isn’t just an automatic journal telling me which way to walk and which room has a puzzle I need to solve and why. I’🥃m supposed to know the date by remembering a hint from a previous room that I don’t have anymore? I’m supposed to do a new math problem in my head every time I enter the billiards room? Why can’t the game just give it to me? Instead, I’ve got to screenshot and keep track of every possible clue.

Blue Prince Makes You Work For It

It’s like I have to solve the puzzles without help! By myself! I can’t even get mad and click an ico༺n that tells me what I’m supposed to do. I’d really love a shoehorned sidekick who’s useless outside of shouting out a solution if I don’t get it right on th🌄e first try. There is nothing worse than feeling frustrated by a dead end and then realizing three runs later what I need to do to solve it. I hate that I’m starting a new run as soon as the last one ends because I think I’m close to cracking something.

God, and can we talk about how much I hate the way I have to play again and again and again to unravel the story? Some games are happy to just tell you ꧃what’s going on! A big wall of unambiguous text! A detached narrator commenting on everything! Not B✃lue Prince, though! Noooooo, sir! This game has to be a giant ass and make me sift through letters, newspapers, and ephemera to understand.

Worse - it’s out of order! Hell, the closest thing I’ve got to a friend in this game is a ༒goddamn fortune telling machine that I hate because it creeps me out while telling me things I won’t understand until much later. And I didn’t even find the fortune telling machine until a few hours ago because this game has to hold back on ya.

Every time I think I know what this game’s story is, some weird new wrench gets thrown in. I thought I was a kid getting a cool mansion, but I guess there's also an epic story of betrayal🌱 and revolution? Wait, is that a working button in the garage? I wonder if I have to turn the power on in the breaker room. Be right back.

Blue Prince Is Every Game Ever

And I’m getting pretty tired of how much this dumb game reminds me of the best parts of every era of this medium. It sucks that it feels like discovering Myst again. It blows that it feels like playing 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Gone Home for the first time. It’s downright embarrassing - for the game - that its deck mechanics grabbed me the way 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Slay the Spire initially did. I thought we were done with this ridiculous crap after Balatro?

I thought we’d agreed that was a one off thing. But now everything else on my docket seems to have been pushed to the back of the line because this gives me the creeps like 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Alone in the Dark did when I was a kid. That’s too many games in one game. Each game should be one game or, at most, a 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:collection of micro𝕴 mini games based around Wario.

Not for nothing, it’s also pretty idiotic that the game is already on 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Game Pass and 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:PlayStation Plus. I might’ve bought it eventually on Steam, but I guess this game sucks so much they’re just giving it away on consoles! Losers! Anyone could play it right ꦑnow. Even you, if you feel like playing a trash game f♋or days while bragging to anyone who will listen that you figured out how to freeze your gold and gems.

I could’ve beaten at least two other games in the time I’ve lost to Blue Prince - two games I would’ve had to pay actual money for. Nope. I ripped these nerds off by downloading it both on Xbox and PS5. Try and stop me, dorks. But, like, I hate that they made this game as easy to get as possible. It’s a sign of weakness. A real winner would’ve been released exclusively on the 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Epic Games Store so I didn’t know it existed for months.

I’m glad I don’t review games, because if I did, oh man, I’ဣd be dropping this game’s Metacritic average like a stone in water. Or like the water in the mansion’s fountain when I realize that there’s a basement level I can unlock if I find the right key. I don’t want to disparage anyone’s hard work, but what did they think they were doing when they made me have to explore each room looking for a place to dig because I didn’t want to give up on a run yet? I💜t’s like they don’t even care that I’ve got things to do and projects to finish and other games to play.

“Oh, you shoꦰuld enjoy playing this again and again and again as the experience becomes deeper and more interesting!”꧃ Listen to yourself. I hate it. And I hate that it’s taken over my life.