I grew up loving space and space exploration. As a kid, I built my own model rockets and, for a short period ಌof time, thought about becoming a scien𒈔tist. I went to Space Camp. With my childhood in Florida, we were able to visit Cape Canaveral and see the giant rockets and buildings that have housed some of the greatest scientific advances humans have ever made. So you can understand that exploring the galaxy in Starfield could potentially be one of the greatest, most awe-inspiring gaming experiences of my life.
Tooꦆ bad I’ll be playing the game as Futurama’s best idiot, Zapp Brannigan.
Sure, I could put Starfield on a pedestal. I can take the game as seriously as possible. I can spend dozens of hours unlocking thousands of secrets while saving the universe. Or, hear me out, I can play a complete cartoon idiot who’s incredibly bad at both his job and hitting on people. Someone with the confidence of a giant and the competence of a fairy wasp. That’s the guy I 🍨want to play. The biggest dumbass amongst the stars. When he’s in command, every mission is a suicide mission.
The thing is, while I’m 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:struggling to be evil in Baldur&rs🔯quo;s Gate 3, I think being a goofy asshole 🌳is a bit different. Being evil in a game requires choices that sometimes make you feel, you know, bad. Killing innocent people. Siding with those who would wipe out entire towns. Showering yourself in gore to know your dominance over others. All of it can become a bit much when faced with the actual decision and the actual consequences. No, I don’t want to cut off someone&rཧsquo;s arm just because I see it. Yes, that does make me less good at being bad.
But being an asshole is pretty easy: You’re just selfish. You just have to only think about yourself, which is something I’ve perfected over the course of my life. Being an asshole comes as naturally to me as breathing. It’s also kind of fun to be selfish in a game. When you save somebody in an RPG, you always get dialogue choices like, “Happy to help!”, “Can’t you pay me?”, or “I’m going to murder you and𓄧 drink what comes out.”
The first and the last are pretty stark good and evil; the second is the way an asshole would respond aft⛄er doing the right thing. Imagine someone saving you from a space monster - or whatever - and then tꦓhey ask you for money. It’s not a shake down. But there will be a Persuasian roll. A roll I hope to fail.
He’s not a bad guy. But he is a major **** up, and I can’t wait to see what happens to me hurting any faction I side wit📖h by (intentionally) making the stupidest choices. And you bet your ass I’m not going to trust any neutral factions.
Even better, in Starfield, I’ll be able to use the character creator to make Zapp as Zapp-y as possible. My man is going to be tall, blonde, and - if I have any say about it - wearing a goddamn red skirt and white boots. And he’s going to be the dumbest man to ever own a spaceship. Just rocks 🥂for brains and a desire to have sex but a minimal understanding of what that means.
I’ve already decided I’m going with the Diplomat background and having the Hero Worshiped trait. Like in Futurama, my Zapp - and he will be called Zapp - will think he’s a brilliant tactician capa𝓡ble of brokering peace.
Like in Futurama, people will be wholly mistaken putting their trust in my Zapp. He’s going to be so thick-headed, it’ll be humiliating. His one redeeming quality is owning a ship and possibly having companions who are far more capable than him. I’m going to be searching for my version of Kif, a👍 loyal friend who sighs in disappointment every minute of every day.
I don’t want to be a hero in Starfield. I want to be a selfish ✅jerk. I want to be annoying to people. I don’t think I can manage to genocide everybody on an “evil” run൩, but I can certainly make every person on every planet roll their eyes and go, “Oh, God. This ******* doddypoll is back.” I want enemies to only be defeated because I stumble into doing the right thing. I want to make every romantic encounter end with the other person explaining this isn’t a romantic encounter and they have absolutely zero interest in me. I want him to confidently smile through it all like it’s exactly what he planned.
I might not be able to be evil in a game, but I can be incredibly selfish. And there’s no person in science fiction quite as much of a straight-up dual class dumm♑y-douche than Zapp Brannigan. He’s a stupid god amon💜gst nonsense men. If I do him justice in Starfield, if I hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
