In my first playthrough of Baldur’s Gate 3 during early access, my friend and I went with the powerhouse combo of Ranger and Wizard, because we like big damage numbers. Sh𓆏adowheart and Lae’zel served as our support and tank companions, respectively, and together the fo🌠ur of us carved a bloody path through Act 1 with little to no resistance. It almost felt like cheating.
For our second, post-early access run, we wanted to choose something a little more thematic - something quirky and uncommon that we could build a sense of character and personality ▨around. He went with a bard and immediately started speaking in rhymes, which I hate, and I decided to go with a Circle of the Spores Druid.
I only have the vaguest idea what a Druid is. They love nature, they can turn into animals, and they worship some kind of forest god, I think. My friend is the D&D expert, I just saw Circle of the Spores and imagined myself as some kind of Mushroomancer, spreading fungus across the battlefield to trap andꦜ poison my enemies. In real life I can’t stand mushrooms, so I was intrigued by the opportunity to play as someone that’s all about them.
After the prologue,𝓡 we made a beeline for the Emerald Grove, the Druid encampment that is about to perform a ritual to encase itself in vines to protect itself from a goblin invasion. Seeing how th♚is is kind of my area of expertise, I immediately took the lead. Unfortunately, my first few tests as a Druid didn’t go as well as I had hoped.
As we entered the camp and made our way to the inner sanctum, we ran into a suspicious group of Oxen. I cracked my knuckles and cast Speak With Animals, but after a frus♒trating and lengthy exchange, all I managed to discover was what I already knew: this group of o𝔍xen is indeed suspicious. As we departed empty-handed, my friend commented something to the effect of “some Druid you are.”
At the entrance to the inner sanctum we encountered a pair of Druids in a heated exchange with some tiefling refugees, 🐭and after a couple of high rolls and some wise dialogue decisions, the Druids le꧂t me past, and I felt like I was finally finding my footing as a Druid of the forest.
If you’ve played BG3, you surely remember the tense scene you come across as soon as you enter the Sanctum. Kagha, theꩲ leader of the camp, is♛ threatening a child tiefling with her snake, Teela, and some not-at-all-concealed racism. You might think my Druidic background would give me the necessary tools to diffuse this situation, but you’d be horribly mistaken.
Every appeal I made to Kagha was summarily rejected. I tried to press her on her values as a Druid, which is a concept I myself am not even clear on. Kagha someone picked up on my lack of confidence in the subject matter and pushed back with her own interpretation of Druid law, forcing me into a series of intellect skill checks that I failed over and over and over. It's a miracle that the child wasn’t killed on the spot, because my utter failure to say anything worthwhile made me look like a desperately poor defender of the weak. I think Kagha actually pitied me at the end of the conversation, and the entire situation had just gotten so pathetic she decided to let all of us go.
As we left, I encountered a pig that👍 was disappointed I wasn’t a different, much better Druid named Halsin.
I’d had about enough of getting kicked around at this point, when we ran into a surly little squirrel on the edge of the grove named Timber. I tඣried to have a nice little chat with the rodent, but it screamed “Get out!” at me and lunged at my foot. There were a few dialogue options to choose from, and it probably wouldn’t have been all that difficult to outsmart a squirrel, but I had had enough. I punted the little fucker and sent it flying into a nearby tree. Its bones shattered instantly and blood burst out of every orifice. It was dead before it even hit the ground.
My friend was horrified. Even as an inexperienced Dungies and Draggies player, I understand that Druids typically don’t murder defenseless creatures - even the ones with shitty attitudes like Timber - and especially not inside a Druid enclave. He told me someone should revoke my Druid card, and I have a hard time disa๊greeing. We’ve just started, and I’ve already proven myself to be the worst Druid ever.
Since then, I’ve decided to lean into that role. Not everyone is great at their jobs after all, so I’ve embraced being a Druid that doesn&rsquoꦗ;t know his stuff, and often go out of my way to say the wrong thing in interactions. I’ve also committed to a disdain for squirrels, which felt like the only solution to my Timber faux pas. It’s part of my character’s backstory now, and every time I see a squirrel, I immediately huck an Ice Knife at it. I’m not the protector of the forest, I’m its worst nightmare. Maybe I’ll even help the goblins lay siege to the Emerald Grove, just to show Kagha who’s boss. If you can’t be the best Druid, you might as well be💦 the worst.