What’s that you say? I could have put more effort into the headline here? Yeah, well… they should have put more time into designing it, eh? Zing. But you’re right, lots of Pokemon look bad. There’s quite a few of them, and they can’t all be winnerꦕs. What’s that, car keys? Oh, good. Nice one. Or how about the pile of literal rubbish? The thing with Kleavor is it’s not just a new Pokemon - it’s yet another gimmick ‘mon, and my patience is wearing thin.
Kleavor evolves from Scyther. Yeah, that’s right, Scyther. Just like Scizor, one of the best looking and most popular Pokemon of its type, also does. Quite why Game Freak h🦩as decided to give Scyther a second evolutionary path, I have no idea. But then, I had no idea why Meowth needed a Galarian variant having just received an Alolan one the🧸 generation before.
While I didn’t understand why Stunfisk, of all the Pokemon in existence, had been selected for special treatment, there was at least a sense that perhaps this forgotten Pokemon deserved the spotlight. Meowth, constantly in the spotlight thanks to the anime and already sporting𝔍 two competitively useless versions, was offered a third one. Scyther and Scizor are popular enough to be given a third st꧒age evolution, or a retroactive baby stage, but splitting Scyther’s evolutionary path doesn’t seem like a worthwhile endeavour - especially when that endeavour leads to Kleavor.
Before we get into the specifics of Kleavor though, we also need to look at the fact it’s a Noble Pokemon. What’s one of those? No idea. It appears to be Legen𝓀ds’ version of Megas or Z-Moves or Gigantamax or [insert more silly Pokemon gimmicks here]. Beyond Megas, which have now been rotated out for the less popular Gigantamax, have these gimmicks ever been popular with anyone? Has the reaction ever been anything other than ‘why can’t we just have Megas th🥃ough?’
Maybe it’s not a new Mega. Maybe it&ꦦrsquo;s a new Legendary. A Legendary that only evolves from non-Legendaries, maybe. As an idea, that’s a pretty good one, offering a tangible change to the Pokemon formula without (hopefully) being used as an empty gimmick later on. Unfortunately, I don&rsꦐquo;t expect that will be the case. The last Legendaries we had were a big chicken skeleton thing and a dog with a sword in its mouth, but actually the sword is part of the dog. We are well past the golden era of Ho-oh.
In fact, one of the first Pokemon Kleavor reminded me of was Zekrom. Mainly, it reminded me of Zekrom because it's just a yellow Zekrom, but with big axes for hands. Cool. You know how much everyone loves Zekrom, eh? In a poll of every Pokemon last year, Zekrom finished 281st, tied with Swinub and Ferrothorn. Clearly it's Pokemon gold, even though it's actually from Pokemon White.
Just the design itself leaves a lot to be desired too. Why is it bumpy and obnoxiously overdesigned where Scyther is sleek and simple? Why is it so huge? It's 5ʹ11” - that means it’s taller than Charizard and Nidoking, and is the same height as Taylor Swift. She's not a Pokemon though. The axes are way too big, the glowing is odd, and the general silhouette has far too much going on. Gotta catch 'em all? Not sure I'll be catching this one.
I'm not a Pokemon fan who gets upset easily. Dexit is as silly as its older brother Brexit. I don't care what the trees look like. I think all Pokemon deserve love. I'll tolerate Kleavor when it arrives for real. It's just... weird. Why a Scyther evolution? What's a Noble Pokemon? Why does it glow yellow? Just what's its deal? Why is Pokemon, one of the most beloved series of all time, seemingly unable to ever put its best foot forward? Why are we still getting naff, over-designed Digimon in the same game that gave us Gengar𒈔, Gyarados, and Golduck? Answers in the Facebook comments, please.