The Nintendo ꦿ64 col𝕴lection on Switch is a fucking mess.
Let me back up. I’ll be the first to admit I’m biased towards Nintendo. I’ve always loved the company, and I’ve worked at the company. I liked being there and I liked the people ꦿI’ve worked with. I’d suck Mario’s dick if you asked me. Or if he did, because, you know, it should be up to him. I’m usually willing to put up with a lot of the Nintendo-y things about Ni🦋ntendo, both because I’m a fan and because I’m an easy mark.
🍃But, as I’ve said earlier, the Nintendo 64 collection on Switch is a fucking mess.
You’ve probably read about the odd controls, occasional chugginess, and slower respon🎶se times. Most of which are real issues and some of which are people forgetting that the original ᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚNintendo 64 ran some games real bad. Remember Perfect Dark? That FPS slideshow sure was entertaining.
That said, my beef with the Nintendo 64 collection isn’t that the games don’t run too good. I🍸 don’t like it, but I assume that I’ll only play most of these games for fifteen minutes at a time each while filling a deep, lonely void. I don’t need WinBack to be perfect because, in all honesty, I’ll probably see about half an hour of it.
Nor is my beef the price. Unlike a lot of the in♎ternet, $35 a year extra felt reasonable to me, an adult person with no responsibilities. I don’t give a shi💧t; I’m willing to forgive a lot.
What&r𝓡squo;s bothering me is the lack of history and the dearth of care in making the experiences even close to how they felt decades ago.
Of course, this isn’t limited to just Nintendo’s own re-releases. A lot 🤪of companies release old games without any type of consideration. As much as companies pay lip service to valuing the history of their games, a lot of retro releases feel more like ROM dumps than an actual celebration of gaming’s pas𝓡t.
But if I’m going to dive into my childhood nostalgia, I want the full experience. I want to be able to see the backs of boxes as well as the front. I want that Mario 64 instruction manual. Maybe some commercials. I want to feel like a game existed at a sp🍨ecific point in time, one filled with hype and excitement. Just droppꦯing the ROM of it and calling it a day leaves all that behind. Especially when those ROMs run like they’re being emulated on a Macintosh Powerbook from 2002.
Not all retro games are about nostalgia. There are great games from decades ago to play for the firsꦑt time now. But even then, having context, having history would be nice.
And on that note, have different versions of the games! SNK, Capcom, and - of all companies! - Konami have all done it in one way or another with retro releases. Yes, the Switch Nintendo 64 games can be swapped with their European version. We’re all thrilled about 50hz gaming. But if you want to play in Japanese (and get the updated version of Mario 64 with rumble), you gotta jump through expensive hoops to do it. The same goes for the other Switch Onlin🥃e retro titles.
Oh! And while we’re on the subject of a lack of options: Settings. At the very fucking least, companies could offer scanlines. There’s no excuse that the standalone SEGA Genesis Classics release for the Switch has more games and more op♎tions than a new retro collection released over three years later. Hell, Sega Genesis Classics even let you pretend to sit on a bedroo💃m floor and play on a virtual CRT.
And, look, the Nintendo 64 controller was a mess. As is buying the new ones made specifically for the Switch. But if you’re going to have a ret♏ro collection of games made for a controller with a layout different to the standard gamepad of the console you’re using - I dunno - maybe make buttons customizable? Maybe let me choose where the C buttons go in a game? Again, playing a 25-year-old game shouldn’t be a worse experience now than it was then purely due to technical flaws.
I know I’m making this specific to the Switch’s online collection, but for the love of god, everyone, include extra materials and features in your retro collections. If you don’t want people to just download and emulate old games, 🍸give them a reason to want to pay. Give people more than just a ROM that runs beꦅtter on fan-made emulators. If these games are worth re-releasing, if these games are truly classics of the art form, then give us history. Give us options to experience that history.
Or at least just scan some ♛fucking manuals, ads, and box art.
Anything.
