Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator is pretty fucked up when you think about it. I mean, even without thinking about it, it’s a fucked up concept. You’re literally trading in organs, profiting from people’s pain and suffering, and ᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚonly offering someone a life-saving transplant if there’s a big enough margin for yourself. Thank god this is a fictional dystopia and doesn’t happen in real life, right? Right…?
As much as trading on the organ stock market is a terrible thing to do, it’s easy to get sucked into roleplaying such a despicable human. Our own Issy van der Velde got into the spirit of things on his first playthrough, ending up snorting lin🔯es of questionable powde⭕rs to get through a trading session - metaphorically, of course. I don&r🀅squo;t blame him for doing so - when the frenetic trading music hits, it’s hard not to go ham - but while he mind-melded with a Wall Street bro, I wanted to see if it was possible ℱto trade organs ethically.
Let’s put the word ethically in very large inverted commas. I&rsqꦉuo;m still trading on the black market, still accumulating organs purely for the sake of keeping others healthy, and still paying off oꦛther traders to drive stock prices down. I need to dive headfirst into the corrupt systems of organ trading in order to help the people who need it most - and those who don’t.
You see, while I needed to engage in some less than savoury activities in order to keep my credit balance afloat and continue helping people, my rule was that I had to help everyone who asked for it. Yes, that includes the guy trying to blackmail me, the other warlords trying tꩲo force me out of their territory, and the alien who emailed me with the subject line “this is a scam.” If they need organs, they need organs, and I’ll supply them no questions asked. It may take me a while to get around to helping you to get a new stomach because I’m fulfilling nonsense orders that pay me 20 credits for a 9,000 credit soul, but I’ll get there. I’ll help the galaxy, one organ at a time.
I accept leftover cryptid offcuts to give to a spaceship in need of repair and undercut my competitors to afford a nerve cluster that a guard was going to use for sensitivity training. I don’t care why you want it, I’ll get it for you, for whatever price you ask. This is philanthropy. I’m being 💞kind. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
You can be a morally questionable dude and still be a philanthropist - philanthropy has no prerequisite ‘goodness’ right? 🌊Suddenly I’m not so sure.
First of all, starting 🍸galactic wars is in my best interest as a Space Philanthropist Organ Giver, as it causes the price of organs to plummet as millions are killed and their organs harveste- sorry, donated. Sure, more people need donations too, as their bodies have been royally fucked up in aforementioned war, but I can help them by using the bodies of their fallen comrades. Or enemies. I’m not fussy, and neither should you be. But at what point do my actions outside of granting people the organs they so desperately need impact my status of philanthropist❀?
Aside from that, playing through and giving organs 🍎to all who ask has me questioning whether this really is philanthropy? I’m giving to everyone, not just those in need. I’m giving to the rival trader who’s only asking in order to intimidate me and not saving that eyeball for the poor Administrator who has five days to get one and says “lives depend on this.” I’m still a cog in the wheel.
There’s also the added catch that nobody else knows I’m a philanthropist. People are offering me money for something that should be freely provided - either by government or charity - and I’m willingly accepting. I could cal𒁃l their payments charitable donations to keep my organ donations afloat, but I’m charging some far more than others - that’s hardly ethical or in the spirit of philanthropy.
After a few weeks on the market,🅷 I’m struggling. Cash is not flowing - the multiple ten credit hearts I practically gave away saw to that - and I’m missing time sensitive organs because I can’t afford them. I’ve not upgraded my hold once, and my volatile stock investments are my only income. But worst of all, I’m not actually sure I achieved my goal of becoming a Space Philanthropist Organ Giver.
Maybe I just can’t cut it among the Warlords, but I’m honestly not sure that philanthropy is possible in such a capitalist hellscape. Suddenly I’m wondering if Bill Gates’ charitable donations all have an ulterior, tax-avoiding motive and he’s not doing things out of the goodness of his heart? Surely not. Even if it is possible, slugging it outꦫ at the bottom of the pile isn’t mu🔜ch fun. So pass the powder and play the music, I’m gonna make me some profits.