If you have a history of comic book fandom, you’ll know that… well, things get all kinds of weird aroun♑d here sometimes. Whether we’re talking about Marvel, DC or somebody else entirely, the major concern is not what’s realistic and logical. Which is totally fine. It’s all about entertainment, a𝔉fter all.
When you venture back through Arnold Schwarzenegger’s back catalog of movies (Predator, Commando, The Last Action Hero, Conan The Barbarian, countless others), you’re not i💞n it for the realism. If you’re being persnickety about the fact that he only reloaded once in the whole two hours of non-stop guntastic, you’re doing it wrong. Just leaജve your brain at the door and enjoy the explosions and awful one-liners.
The same’s true of comic book superheroes. We’re talking about a m🐠agical medium where supervillains have the power to transform into ice cream and melt to fit through the ꦐcracks under doors (well, ). The laws of physics and logic do not apply here, and everything we think we know can be rewritten in a moment.
Some of the best-known heroes (the Avengers, for instance) have abilities you may never have heard of. We’re going way beyond the Hulk’s strength and Spider-Man’s web-slinging here. Did you know he can talk to spiders? Do you know which superhero has explosive sweat? Or which has toxic blood? From the truly iconic to the most obscure, no super-stone is left unturned in this investigation of some of the most hilariously bad (and just plain OP) superpowers you may never have known𝄹 about.
30 Stupid: Doop Has A Brain WHERE?
Let’s kick this party off the right way, with one of the most peculiar creations in comic book history (which not a claim to make lightly). Just what in heckola is Doop? It’s tough to say. Just imagine Slimer from Ghostbusters fell from the ugly tree and hit every ugly branch on theไ way down, and you’𝔍ve just about got it.
This enigmatic floating blob made its debut in Marvel’s X-Force꧒ vol.1, #116. Supposedly results of Cold War-era experimentation, it has all kinds of powers. Not only does it have the usual superhuman strength, flight, regeneration and such, but it has a second brain in its hindquarters, which it can use when the one in its head is out of commission (it was once removed from its body and used as a psychic weapon).
29 OP: The Black Panther Doesn’t Only Rule Wakanda
With the great success of his recent movie, as well as his long-established comic 🉐career, you might think that you’ve got the Black Panther’s abilities and powers down pat. We all know the basic stuff: strength, agility, enhanced senses, a fancy vibra༒nium outfit with retractable claws, immunity to all diseases, more money than anyone...
It’s quite a skillset, tꦦhat’s for darn sure. That’s just the start of𝓀 it, though. Following the 2015 “Secret Wars” series, he gained stronger powers to support his lesser-known status as King of the Dead. He can now reanimate the departed, and summon them to the physical world with a tangible form.
28 STUPID: Walk With The Animals, Talk With The Animals
In a similar fashion, Spider-Man’s USPs are pretty well-established at this point. After that fateful bite from the radioactive spider, he developed his famous ‘Sp✨ider-Sense,’ as well as all the web-swinging and wall-crawling abilities we kno𝓀w and love him for.
These powers are probably the reason he’s my favorite superhero. They’re a little less vanilla than the usual flight, regeneration and so forth. That stuff’s like so last century, as the cast of Mean Girls, will tell you. After the “Other” storyline, though, he developed another ability that’s totally out there: he can talk to spiders.
27 OP: Hulk DASH!
Come on, now, Hulk. The sun’s gꦐetting real low, so sit down here. We’ve got to have a conversation. You can’t keep pulling this kind of stuff, you really can🅘’t.
If the world of video games has taught us anything, it’s that strength and speed are generally polar opposites.
Regardless of genre, you tend to either specialize in one or the other or be average in both departments. The Hulk doesn’t care about any of this✅, as in the comics, he’s as famous for his lightning speed as he is for his strength.
Nobody tell The Flash. He’s going to have all kinds o♊f feelings🐻 of inadequacy about that.
26 STUPID: Wait, Fireworks?
A lot of huge ensemble super-movies have been assaulting our eyeballs in the most wonderful of ways lately, haven’t they? The main takeaway from these, I feel, is that it always helps for a superhero to have a hook. A unique abiliꦗty or set of such that their💧 allies don’t (see: Spider-Man).
It helps even more when said hook isn’t… well, all kinds of questionable. The rather obscure Jubilee is a m♏utant who canᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚ generate pyrotechnic energy from her hands (or, if you prefer, big ol’ angry fireballs). She’s able to alter their intensity at will, from bright fireworks to briefly dazzle a foe to huge, building-consuming explosions.
Which is nothing to snark at, but… bright spangly fireworks? It’s like the equivalent of a clown asking you to smell their water-squirti♒ng flower.
25 OP: It’s Aquaman’s Party And He’ll Be OP If He Wants To
Poor old Aquaman. For far too long, he’s been considered the runt of the super-litter. The guy who was never allowed to play tag with the others at recess. Even The Big Bang Theory snarks on him, like the snarky snarksters 🌃of snark that they are.
Why? Because being able to talk to fish does not a superpower make, apparently. Suddenly, though, the guy’s morphed into Jason-dang-Momoa, and with a flash of his long, lush hair and chiseled… well,꧅ everything, the character is relevant again.
Aquaman’s much more than just a fish-whisperer, friends. Did you know he can teleport? And fly? He’s much more (much Momoa, you might say) than just a one-trick pony.
24 STUPID: I Don’t Know, What’s The MATTER With You?
As I say, then, the worlds of Marvel and DC are v♕ast, far-reaching places. This is mostly due to the fact that there are so many different worlds. We’re hopping from multiverse to cross-over to experimental story arcs about just about everyone here.
The further out you go, the more obscure and peculiar things get. On that note, one of my personal stand-outs would be Matter-Eater Lad. You might not know about the Legion of Superheroes, so I’ll just leave you with the knowledge that Matter-Eater Lad (Tenzil Kem)’s superpower is the ability to eat any substance super quickly.
23 OP: Thor’s ‘TARDIS Tongue’
What with his prominence in the MCU, you might think you a🌄lready know all there is to know about🐽 Thor. Well, the essentials, at least, if not the teensy insignificant details that keep comic fans arguing on forums until 4am.
It turns out, though, there are some things we haven’t learned from watching Chris Hemsworth growl at his foes in that🌱 flowing wig of his. One of the more intere𝕴sting of these is his ability of All-Tongue.
Sci-Fi fans will recognise this talent as being similar to the telepathic field of the TARDIS, which allows the Doctor to instantly translate any language he hears or speaks.
It’s just, in Thor’s case, it's nat𓆉ural🌃 rather than technological.
22 STUPID: Kiss Me, Superman!
Ah, yes. Now we’re playing with the big boys, friends. When it comes to the ‘strongest’ superheroes, a lot of people would t💧end to plump for Superman. After all, the Son of Krypton has a whole range of impossible powers, which have been gradually embellished over the course of his long comic book career.
Superman has been repeatedly buffed over the years. He’s still got his share of embarrassingly bad powers on the down low, though. The worst offender, in my eyes, would have to be the super amnesia kiss which he planted on Lois Lane at the end of Superman II.
Well, it’s one way to make somebod𝓡y forget about discovering your secret identity.
21 OP: The Joker Has Toxic WHAT?
If you’ve seen the Alien movies, you’ll know that the xenomorphs are probably the most vicious and downright angry creatures the universe has ever seen. After all, it takes𒀰 a special ki𓆏nd of chutzpah to actually develop acidic blood. Anybody that actually succeeds in taking you out is going to be… well, in one heck of a grisly situation themselves.
Needless to say, this is just the sort of thing that𝄹 a seasoned supervillain like 𒊎the Joker would be all over. He has a long history with developing toxic stuff and his patented ‘Joker Venom,’ and judging by the mosquito that bit him in Batman #663 and promptly keeled over, there’s a connection there.