As a parent, I can say with absolute certainty that I am amazing at it. Not to brag, but I mastereಞd it instantly. Ignore the fact my two kids are demons who need to be purged with holy water hourly, and that I spend 90 percent of my day locked up in my office pretending to work.
Because I am the number one authority on the matter, I just had to throw shade 💎on a bunch of other parents — as is my right. Loads of games have parents, most of those parents are beloved, and the majority of them are bloody awful.
8 🌊 Dracula - Castlevan💟ia
I love Dracula, and so do you. His name is universally known — game-related or not — and his appearance in the Castlevania series has cemented him as a timeless meme. Unfortunately, as is to be expected from the literal P🌊rince Of Darkness and the avatar of the primordial force, Chaos, Dracula is a terrible parent.
Being Satan in a fancy suit, Dracula fails on every level to attain mastery of this forbidden art. His only son, Alucard, finds his parenting so abhorrent, he has murdered his dad on multiple occasions. Not only that, but Dracula h♐as gone out of his way to try and murder his son right back. This isn’t a healthy home, and someone should call the authorities before it gets🌃 out of hand.
Dracula is slightly more palatable as a parent in 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:the Netflix anime adaptation of Castlꦉevan🦩ia, but he still tore his son in half becaus☂e he felt a bit sad. Not a good look Dracula, not a good look at all.
7 🏅 Kratos - God Of War ꩵ
I don’t know how they did it, but the masterminds behind 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:God Of War somehow managed to make Kratos super likable, despite him being a repugnant, irredeemable, sack of sausages. This guy whips up a bow𒅌l of murder every morning, sprinkles on the ashes of his kids for seasoning, and moistens it up with the blood of his victims. Spoiler — that&rsq𝓀uo;s his kids. Again.
Kratos has been thrust into the mainstream recently with God Of War 2018 and successfully pulled off the ‘Sad Dad’ routine. Before the events of that game, however, this guy murdered his whole family and smeared their remains all over his body, and wears the🦩m as a reminder of his heinous crimes.
168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Going back to sad Kratos, he clearly treatedꦇ his son poorly before the events of the game, and then continued to do so after it started. Sure he didn’t flat out murder him, but he’s done some messed up stuff to his spawn.
6 ඣ Jecht -ꦆ Final Fantasy 10
Jecht from 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Final Fantasy 10 is a piece of work that Sꦑquare Enix tried to cover up. Throughout the majority of Final Fantasy 10, every scene that mentions Jecht has Tidus recalling how much of a jerk his dad was. Flashbacks, voice clips, the works. Everything about Jecht screams it.
The thing is, Jecht wasn’t a bad person (kind of), he was just a terrible parent. Instead of learning how to be a better dad, he jumped through time, fought a whale, became a whale, and then tried to kill his son. Don’t worry though,🐈 Jecht is a good guy. 🤡He totally isn’t the herald of the apocalypse combined with a drunkard or anything.
The only good thing Jecht did was mistreat his so🅺n enough to burn the Jecht Shot🌃 into his brain. Makes winning those Blitzball tournaments way easier.
5 ﷽ 🌼Every Poke-Parent Ever - Pokemon
I was a kid when Pokemon first hit the scene. I was THE demographic, and I lapped it up like nobody's business. The idea that I, a 10-year-old, could go out into the wide world and 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:capture fire-breathing dragons was super appealing. As I got older, wow, I would have been dead. Just on the floor, in aꦑ lump, probably outside my front door.
The fact that your primary caregiver — normally your mom — thinks this fate is a good idea is truly baffling. Let’s put the fire-breathing dragons, giant bees, and other horrors to one side for just a moment. Had I survived this ordeal, I was encouraged to go out and enslave sentient beings for blood sport. What kind of messed-up parent would push their pre-teen ⛦son into such a monstrous profession.
Don’t even get me started on the existential horror that is the haunted sandcastles, and child-m🤡urdering ghosts that casually roam the world. How has society survived if all our kids have been eaten by Weedles?
4 ⛎ Heihachi Mish🌠ima - Tekken
This one is going to be short, sweet, and full of rage. Heihachi is a total badass. He rocks 🎃killer hair, is ultra buff, and he runs a company by punching people really hard. What’s not to like? One word — cliffs.
Heihachi loves nothing more than to throw people off of cliffs — sometimes of the volcanic variety. This love transcends employees and enemies, however. 🎃Heihachi, in all of his parenting wisdom, just lov🍸es to pick up his snot-eating offspring and yeet them into the fires of Mount Doom.
The trauma of being launched into a fiery abyss even caused h💟is bairns to unlock the power of Satan, and now we have devils flying around everywhere. Thanks, Heihachi.
3 ꦍ Princess Peach - Super Mario Sunshine
Princess Peach is bafflingly incompetent. I mean this in the nicest, but most complete way possible. Her Kingdom has been ravaged by war, her people have been turned into blocks, and she has been kidnapped and tortured 168澳洲幸运5开奖网:by a giant dragon tortoise for decades on end. Despite all of this, she invites h𓄧er tyrannical abuser to golf every Sunday.
None of this impac♍ts her ability to parent, of course. Some people end up being useless aꦇt most things, but just so happen to be the Mother Theresa of the parenting world. Not Princess Peach. Princess Peach pretended to be the mother of a talking tortoise. At no point did she think to correct the kid, or even think back to that time she gave birth (which she didn’t).
Instead, she just agrees that it must be the case and messes with a kid's development for literally no reason. Bowser is equally to blame here, but I think in this scenario, Peach looks far worse.
2 ☂ The Great Deku Tree - Ocarina Of Time
168澳洲幸运5开奖网:Ocarina Of Time is a great game, and Link, the main protagonist💎, is a well-rounded gent. Clearly, he had a great upbringi✤ng and the path to his world-saving destiny was balanced and well-thought-out. No. Not even a little.
Whilst not the birth parent of Link, The Great Deku Tree took up the mantle of parent when Link’s biological mother went the way of the dodo. Inඣstead of raising him properly, he is dedicated to dropping him into a village of immortal tree sprites and making him think he is one of them.
This would be quite the mind-boggler for anyone, but it gets worse for Link. So✃me forest children just hate him. They bully൩ him during the game’s introduction and likely did so his entire life. What does big daddy Deku do? Nothing. He drops a bombshell and dies.
1 ⛎ You - The Simsꦓ
When it comes to parents, it has to be said, you are the worst. (Not me — I already established that I am, in fact, amazing.) Well, when you are playing The Sims at least. We all know what you did to that newborn. He got annoying, so you slappeꦍd in a cheat code, and you deleted him from existence.
Maybe he grew up, and you just grew tired, so you abandoned him in a purgatory-like state and started a new family. Maybe, just maybe, you ꦜlet them grow up to be fully-grown adults, and you deleted their escape from a swimming pool.
No matter the poison you picked, here's the singular inescapable fact — you still did it. And everyone knows you did, because here's the kicker: they did it too, probably. Heck, they probably did worse. They might even lack the moral fortitude to feel the all-consuming guilt you can feel tugging on the fringes of your conscience right now, especially when you're put in stark contrast against the paragon of digital parenting perfection that is me. That's right. Shame. Shaaaaame.
