Happy July 16 - I’m sure it’s someone’s birthday out thereꦦ, or perhaps you have some kind of anniversary to celebrate. For me, it’s not a really special day - I have nothing really going on, but, dear reader, I have made a new discovery. Apparently, it’s World Snake Day.
I am petrified of snakes. I have friends with pet snakes who cannot let thꦰem near 𒅌me lest I fly into a fit of crying and screaming. Despite this, I’ve always been endlessly fascinated by snakes. I’ll watch hours of nature documentaries or YouTube videos on snakes. Know thy enemy. Like sharks (don’t get me started on sharks), I really love snakes from a distance. So, in honor of nature’s weirdly adorable but actually very sinister little friends, I present to you a complete list of some of my favorite video game snakes.
Solid Snake
Okay, so he’s not like a ssss bite-you-in-the-ass kind, but his name is Snake and he’s slippery. We have to give David at least some sort of honorable mention, ‘cause he was the fiꦰrst thing that popped into my head when I h🌃eard it’s World Snake Day.
And I mean, he kinda fits the bill in otheꦗr ways. Kojima explained a long time ago that Snake got his name just because he’s a sneaky dude - ya know, like a snake. Perhaps he is pretty dang snake-like for a person, since he spends most of his time on the floor scooting around in a box. If anything, I owe him a spot on this list because he’s spawned years of good memes. So happy World Snake Day, Snake! I’m sorry Konami has kind of beaten you to death, and I hope you can go on to happily retire one day.
The Snake from Snake
When I was a tiny thing, I’d crawl into my mom’s bed at night and, as gently as I possibly could, slowly reach my little hands under her pillow. I was hunting for her old Nokia cell phone, a device so sturdy I could run it over and I reckon it’d still work. It wasn’t that I wanted to call anyone in secret - I just wanted to play games. I had a perfectly good PlayStation sitting in the other room with all the Rugrats games I could ever want, but instead I was too busy risking life and limb to play ✱Snake.
Here’s to you, Sn𒉰ake from Snake. I don’t actually have much else to say to you other than I got grounded multiple times for stealing the phone for you. Thanks for being so tempting and inspiring my favorite Neopets game, Meerca Chase.
Ekans/Arbok
There isn’t a single person out there whose entire life wasn’t changed when they realized Ekans is just Snake spelled backwa🐻rds, and Arbok is just Kobra. It’s a Pokemon rite of passage, a moment burned into my memory of feeling like the cleverest little girl in the whole♏ world. There are other snake Pokemon, but none provide you with that brief flash of genius the way Ekans and Arbok did.
In an ode to my childhood, I have to confess how much I really love Ekans and Arbok. It’s Arbok, in particular, I have 𝓰a soft spot for because I can’t seಌem to think of Team Rocket without it. It’s part of Jessie’s identity, who is also my favorite Pokemon character next to Sabrina, even if they ultimately part ways. Anyway, I hope Jessie’s Arbok and its big family of Ekans are having a great day.
Solas
Look, this is supposed to be a day celebrating snake friends and a🏅ll the wonderful things they do, so the backstabbing elf doesn’t really belong here. Bu♛t apparently, some of y’all really like Solas, and he’s undeniably a snake, so here he is. It is not by choice I include Solas -I just feel I need to respect all the Solas likers out there. I’ve loved some questionable, snakey dudes in my time, too. You’ll see the light eventually, Solas fans.
Anyway, if you’re not familiar with Dragon Age, I won’t ruin it, but let’s just say Solas isn’t a snake in t𓆏he literal sense. While I do not wish him a happy World Snake Day, I kno▨w some of y’all will.
Bayonetta
Okay, look, I think Bayonetta counts more than Solid Snake and Solas. I will not apologize for my conditional snakes, by the way, but yeah, Bayonetta can be a𒆙 snake. In Bayonetta 2, youꦅ get this nifty ability where Bayonetta can turn into all sorts of neat stuff, one of which is a snake - that’s good enough for me and my list. If I’m including Solas, I’m having Bayonetta too.
I admi🙈ttedly prefer Bayonetta’s human form, but in any list of things I love, if I can fit Bayonetta in I’m damn well going to do it. There’s not a whole lot to this other than Bayonetta is a cobra-looking thing and⛦ that’s it, it’s just cool. She’s a blue snake with a tiara, and honestly, I think any snake that’s sporting a crown should be recognized on such a special day. I hope this honor means they’ll hurry up with Bayonetta 3.
Great Serpent of Ronka
Perhaps you’ve been hit with the copypasta meme about playing🎶 Final Fantasy 14 - it very well could have been me that’s done it - but putting aside some of those rantings about how it’s a brilliant stor✅y full of intrigue and drama, I love how goofy the MMO is. That’s why this weird little critter earns a spot on my list of loveable snakes. The Great Serpent of Ronka is a reminder of just how weird Final Fantasy has historically been, urging you to temporarily neglect your quest to save the world and embrace pure silliness.
This little guy looks a bit like a piece of candy corn you’ve lost under the couch after Halloween. As just 𝓀a tiny bean, the Great Serpent of Ronka is talked up by an NPC, Quinfort, like a mighty beast who will end your Warrior of Light just for looking at it the wrong way. It’s supposed to be the most fearsome creature you’ve ever encountered, and Quinfort insists its true form would terrify you to death, but I love the little stinker. It’s got an in-game minion and two mounts (one of which is 25 million Gil), so he’s a popular bugger for a reason. Even if he is supposed to be terrifying beyond all comprehension, I hope the Great Serpent of Ronka and his adorable (horrifying?) "Scree!" have a wonderful World Snake Day.
World Serpent
I haven’t even played God of War and this one is still my absolute favorite snake. I’m usually the one in my household playing all of the games while my partner watches me, but I promised I wouldn’t be a greedy controller hog for this one, and ᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚᩚ𒀱ᩚᩚᩚI still freakin’ regret it because I love the World Serpentไ so, so much.
If you’re unfamiliar, this dude’s name is Jörmungandr and my biggest recommendation is that you play God of War for yourself like the selfish jerk you are so you can go experience him. He buddies up with Kratos and his son early on when you disturb him from a nap, and he’s a big boy. Because of his incredible scale and just how good God of War is at making you feel so tiny in comparison, I cheered every time Jörmungandr popped up. Happy World Snake Day, World Serpent. I think you’re destined to fight Th♐or or something like that, so I hope you know I’m cheering for you, my favorite snake in the🎉 whole wide world you’re supposed to be hugging, or something.
