Video Games Can Do Better With Asexual Pride

Summary

Mainstream media oversimplifies romance to physical intimacy, but dating and farming sims offer a more wholesome experience.
Asexual representation in video games is inconsistent, making it difficult for ace individuals to feel seen and understood.
Intimacy is more than just physical attraction, and the gaming industry needs to focus on smaller intimacies to make relationships feel real.

Pride in being asexual means accepting that most games won’t have your back. I love a good romantic arc, but romance doesn’t have to translate to sex – and yet more often than not, mainstream media depicts romance purely through the lens of physical intimacy. Why does it fall to da🌳ting and farming sims to make up a vast majority of the ace experience in gaming?

I Don't Want To See Chloe Price In Life Is Strange: Double Exposure

Max Caulfield dese�🔯�rves more than to have her life still revolve around someone that didn’t treat her well.

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I’ve always been drawn to the cozy side of gaming, with my first real encounter with the genre being Harvest Moon: A Tale of Two Towns. I even had an email chain going with friends where we’d update each other on our in-game progress each week. ܫThe highlight was always updating each other on our progress with heart events, as we were all courting different bachelors, and my favorite part was that there was no pressure to engage in anything sexual.

Itꦗ all felt like a fairytale, feel-good romance that cut off after the wedding and left you with nothing but good vibes. As I got older anꦆd pursued romances in games like Dragon Age, Baldur’s Gate 3, and Beyond Two Souls, it became increasingly clear that to many, a romance wasn’t complete without a graphic, intimate scene. As someone on the ace spectrum, it’s disheartening to see relationships simplified to only one aspect of intimacy.

I turned 🎃to dating and farming sims for comfort. At best, th🤡ey allowed me to live out an ace fantasy where romance meant breakfast in bed, dates to the park, and beautifully drawn artwork of the protagonist and chosen love interest. At worst, the screen would fade to black and text would appear with a message akin to “You spent a long time alone together”. Looking at you, Persona series.

There have been times when a well-known character could be 🗹interpreted as asexual, like when Astarion in Baldur’s Gate 3 reveals he doesn’t want to be seen or used for sex and instead just wants a friend. Meanwhile, characters like Caspar von Bergliez from Fire Emblem: Three Houses are coded as ace without confirmation based on a single conversation many players likely missed. Maya from Borderlands has her sexuality acknowledged by the game’s primary writer, Anthony Burch, but players are otherwise left to speculate.

Incons❀istent treatment of asexuality in video games makes it difficult to feel seen. There’s nothing wrong with sexual relationships in video games, but the overreliance on physical intimacy to cement a relationship is disheartening – especially when you get locked out of the relationship if you decline.

The importance of recognizing asexuality in games goeဣs far further than just making sure everyone has a voice that’s heard. When the culmination of a romantic relationship leads to a dramatic, over-the-top love scene, I cringe. The romance seemingly dies after that moment, save for a few lines of dialogue about how your beloved is happy to see you. Intimacy is more than just physical attraction, and the gaming industry needs to catch up.

Thane Krios from Mass Effect 2 is an honorable mention since his romance doesn’t feature a traditional love scene and instead features a 🍷passionate♕ kiss and fade to black.

While discovering where I fell on the asexuality spectrum, it opene🥂d my eyes to how so many of my peers viewed romance and relationships. It seems like too many games that include romantic plotlines focus on sex instead of smaller intimacies that make these relationships feel real, like date nights, heart events, and love letters. Games like Stardew Valley and Coral Island even implement content beyond the wedding day, allowing you to continue to romance your spouse and e🌺njoy life together after saying your vows.

In Baldur’s Gate 3, I had no idea that ♐giving Sha꧋dowheart her favorite flower was part of romancing her – I thought I was just being a good friend. Yet that action alone highlights the importance of a shift away from physical intimacy and a closer look at what really makes up an emotional connection.

Getting to 🍷know a character’s likes and dislikes, spending time with them, and slowly building a life together are what make relationships unique, and dating sim mechanics have nailed this. The irony of games that fixate on romance encompassing an asexual experience better than games that promote queer relationships astounds me. I can be straight or queer, but I can’t want a relationship without sex. Go figure.

However, there’s hope that as intimacy coordinators are brought into more games to ensure a safe environment that more asexual encounters will e♕merge. The misconception that asexuality means no sex ever is mis🦩leading at best. Asexual representation can vary, and its inclusion can mark a powerful turning point for ace gamers who haven’t seen themselves portrayed well in many games if at all.

Love comes in many forms, and highlighting the꧟ fluidity of romance and asexuality in tandem in interactive media is needed. More than making asexual individuals feel seen, it sets the expectations for real-world relationships and can open the door for more people to seek healthy, functioning relationships outside of physical intimacy. Plus, I don’t have to worry about a graphi🦩c scene playing in front of my parents during family game night.